Tapas: Small Snacks and Dishes For Your Head, Heart and Relationship(s)






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This has seemed like a tougher winter than usual: more snow, more long term cold, more slow moving days. I mean Christmas was barely two months ago. Seems to me like long months.

Potter Paul

Potter Paul

"Ceramics," my wife said. "Come to the Clay Guild with me and take a class." "Nah," I said. "Wood is my thing." "It's not either or," she retorted. "Anyway, it's too cold in the garage for you to build furniture. Come with me."

As you can see from the photo here, I went and messed around in the mud. And yes, I must admit: it's been fun. Not as good as the beach at Cabo, but it has help me stay balanced.



First Snack: We are all better off with an active hobby.

(Nuff said.) Oh, and what qualifies as a hobby? Anything that you choose to use regularly to give expression to your creative, private self.  Here is an article that may help.


Second Tapa: The War On Reason (Or Not) 


Reason vs emotion. Thought vs feeling. Rational vs irrational. We struggle between the two, or should I say with both, trying to keep it all balanced. Here is a hard-nosed, scientific look at the reality of these two waring human capacities and how they influence behavior. 



Third Dish: Ease up on yourself. Stop trying to keep all those secrets to yourself. 



In fact, it's almost impossible to keep a secret. Secrets will come out some way or the other. The trick is to reveal them in the proper way to the ears that can handle them (like maybe a qualified counselor) and not be the worse off for listening to your pent-up stuff.  For your health, get it off your chest.



Forth Dish: Does Equal Marriage Mean Less Sex? Maybe.


This one is a bit chewy. Lots to think about. On the one hand, modern marriage is moving more to the egalitarian model where couples share equally in all the division of labor in a family: housekeeping, earning money, child care and mowing the lawn. Of course, this requires using basic communication (talk) and negotiating skills (compromise).

Lori Gottlieb presents bed-time reading about the extent to how well this model works (or not) in a couple's sex life. For example: "If we have to talk about 'it' before 'doing it', I'm no longer interested." But that same person may very much want to discuss the vacuuming before it is done. Or the grocery shopping.


So it goes.



Dessert is on you!



Until next time, here's to taking good care of yourself first so that, secondly, you can take good care of others.


Paul W. Anderson, PhD



"If the old rules about how to successfully do marriage and relationships worked,
I'd be out of a job.  But I'm not."

                                                                  Paul W. Anderson, Ph.D.



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